Cattaturkism - Turkish Genocide of Kurdish Cats - by Dr. Fereydun R Hilmi
Kurdish News, October 15, 2000

The Turkish military has "poisoned" up to 200 of the cats named after their native province, in North Kurdistan. The Turkish state wants to wipe out everything that symbolizes Kurdish culture. The cats are Kurdish, and the Turkish authorities are unable to digest this. Van cats are white fluffy and cuddly creatures who speak nothing other than Cat language. Perhaps their Miawing has a little local Kurdish accent but that is about all. The fact that they are fluffy does not mean they are wearing Kurdish baggy trousers. Neither should we take their beautiful wide eyes, white complexion and long moustaches to be purely India-Aryan. They do, however, like the Kurds, prefer to remain in their birth places rather than go to Istanbul and Ankara to become shoe-shiners for Turkish "Nobility". One more thing about these gorgeous little creatures is the fact that they are probably the only cats in the world which can swim. This gave rise to the great Catatturk who intends to do to them what his ancestor did to the Kurds, Armenians and all the other "vermin" which "mother Turkey" has sadly been infested with. The British Prime Minister’s son Leo is livid and his pet cat has twice bitten his father in protest but he would not budge. He is adamant that Kurdish cats have no history and that it is the nasty non-academic, nationalist Kurds who have been manufacturing a false historic and geographic "pedigree" based on a fervour of "Ethnicity" which only they are capable of, in the wonderful current Utopia of "Modernity". Kurdish Academics supported by their British friends in the world of Academia are telling the cats all about evil Catism, which they say caused the Extinction of the Dodo in the antipodes. In a famous book "A Modern History of Kurdish Cats", they insist that Van is an English word for a funny looking car and Noah is a pop-star who has never even been to Mount Ararat which does not itself exist and even if it did it would have to be Assyrian or Urartian. They also say that the Kurdish cats are best "reconciled" with their condition, by complete submission, and the handing of themselves in, to the forces of Catatturk, to be slaughtered, quietly in the most humane way. Many Zialogical scholars have been citing and recommending the example of Zia Gokalp who acquired a new Turkish ethnicity and suggesting that the New Feline World Order means there is room in the world for 189 species only, firstly, because there are not enough cat houses to go around the Zoo for such domesticated cats; and secondly, we already have and do not wish to upset the Lions, Tigers, Leopards, Cheetahs and every other pedigree of cat we need, which should be more than sufficient for the world. The United Nations of Cats have issued a statement that Turkey’s Sovereignty and Territorial Integrity must be preserved at any cost and no cat is so important as to warrant even a statement. In the meantime, all eyes are on Felinestine and the plight of its population. The whole world is busy trying to establish a new home for the twenty-two varieties of Lions. Those in the know, however, say: the reason for the present wave of Cattaturkism is the fact that the Turks are about to flood Kurdistan with a series of dams, the latest of which is the Ilisu, and while the Kurds themselves are not great swimmers, it is hoped by the Turks that the majority of them will drown, but, it is quite likely that their white fluffy Van cats will survive, and may stay around to tell the tale for history’s sake and generations to come. And, once the homeland of the Kurdish nation becomes a vast lake, it would be difficult to catch the blighters to exterminate them, (there is no question of poisoning the water, for the Turks and their southerly and brotherly neighbours will need to drink it), so they must get rid of them ahead of the project implementation. Some humanists and internationalists are, however, secretly hoping that the conscience of the world and international community will finally wake up, even if they had not at the sight of Kurds being slaughtered, at least at the sight of the slaughtered cats. The western nations outrage, being so "fond" of animals of the four legged variety, and the dozens of societies for the protection and care of every kind of such creatures, may do the trick and put an end to the great injustices being committed against the helpless and unarmed Kurdish nation, whose country was the world’s first sanctuary, only to be taken over and decimated by those ungrateful and oppressive rescuees, whom God saved after the evil of Sodom and Gomorra.

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